etc.: The Pioneer Woman

I tried to think of a clever title, but I couldn't. My brain isn't functioning right because I've been standing in heels in a 90 degree room with a bunch of pregnant women for 4 hours.
Why?

All because of this blog.

A crowd begins to form...

Ree, The Pioneer Woman, stopped in Austin this evening for her The Pioneer Woman Cooks book tour, and I was totally there. Originally I had planned on going with friends...but they all bailed on me, so I had to face the dreadful, growing social anxiety building inside me and go it alone. I was determined to get my book signed.
My dear, amazing husband was kind and patient enough to show up at Austin's Book People at 3:30 in the afternoon to get me a wristband. He did so well that he even got me into the very exclusive, top secret six o'clock signing. Okay, so it wasn't that secret. But it was sort of exclusive. Only about 50 ladies got to go upstairs at 6 rather then 7 when the book-signing was scheduled.
I stood around looking at the kids' section for a long time, most of the time stressing about I don't know what. Butterflies I guess. And I was ALL ALONE.
But finally I decided to awkwardly start up conversation with an innocent bystander who was clinging, like me, for dear life to her precious cook book. I think I said something stupid like, "Here to get your book signed?"
Duh.
That's what her face said to me.

A few minutes later I was beckoned upstairs, with the 6:00 group, so I left her and made a new friend. She was originally from California, and is now a stay-at-home mom with her 7-month-old twins. A boy and a girl. And they were there! And terribly cute and well-behaved.
I was blabbing to her about goodness knows what. All I know is that some point I told her I was neurotic. And I don't even know what that means.

The 6 o'clock crew

I'm a stalker

Marlboro Man and the Punks bringing in the t-shirts - or - more stalker pictures

There was also another little girl (about 3? or 7? I can never tell) in front of me named Abigail. At first I think she didn't like me because she would kick me, laugh, and then run away. But after a few minutes she started hugging me and wouldn't let go. I tried to act sweet and natural. I continued to try and act sweet and natural when she started crawling on the floor and stuck her head in between my knees. And stayed there. She told me she was pretending to be a squirrel.

Once we actually got into the room, where I was standing in line about 20 feet in front of PW, Abigail's attachment to me continued to grow. She started running across the room and then running at me full speed until she crashed into me with her full body weight.
Adorable, right?

Finally she got distracted when she noticed that rubbing her head on the carpet made her hair stick up. So she started rubbing her head on the floor. And that was the end of our tumultuous relationship.

This is where Abigail rubbed her head.

If I weren't camera-shy in reverse, I might have documented this in photos. But I simply did not. Also, I was being physically assaulted by a really adorable three year old.
Right about the time Abigail learned how to create static-electricity, it was my turn to meet Ree. And so I did. And we made up a secret handshake and became best friends forever and then she asked me to come live at the lodge.
Actually...
I gave her a small gift of my favorite beauty products, since I work for a beauty supply distributor. I started to tell her this, but my speech started slurring (nervous much?) so I stuck with, "Hi" and "Thanks" and finally, "Bye."

Ree, me, and my lipless smile that I've had to embrace. Because God made me that way.

Her sister Betsy was there, looking trim and cute. She gave me a t-shirt. I'll love her forever because she told me the shirt sizes ran very small, held up the smallest size, and said, "This will definitely fit you."

That's Betsy in the gray shirt.

Thanks, Betsy.
I hope the shirt fits.

After that it was time to return downstairs and wait for Ree's Q&A. The crowd had grown enormous, so I got stuck standing behind a bookshelf in front of these two charming ladies:

They told me they were trying to look stupid--in hopes that Ree would put up a picture of them on her blog. I told them I'd put them on my blog, but they didn't seem too impressed. Even when I told them my mom reads it.
I don't think they look stupid. Well. Maybe. A little.
Plus, they turned out to be friends with benefits because they let me stand up on their stools and take pictures of Ree. And this guy...