Grace Upon Grace

My dear friends, I have been indisposed in the most dreadful of ways.
Forgive me.

It has been a long but short week. My life over the last seven days is a dreadful blur and a crisp, clear nightmare all at once! But I am well. I am alive. I am loved and blessed and amazed and thankful and happy and joyful and pensive and foolish and silly and different and new and the same as I ever was.
Yesterday was my first day out of the house in several days.
I went to work and then went home. I was very tired due to all that I had been through in the previous several days, but I felt good. This weekend was daylight savings, giving me an extra hour of sunshine in the evening after getting home from work.
I went outside on the back porch, stretched out on the warm pavement and watched my stinky dogs roll in the dirt. I also saw Spring.
I looked up at the gorgeous blue sky and smelled the growing buds and blooms on the trees and felt like I was in heaven. We stayed outside for quite some time.
I'm not sure why, but something possesses my dogs around this time of year. They don't really do it at any other time of year. But in the warm weather they can't resist rolling their tubby little bodies in the dry dirt.
So I sat on the steps with a brush and waited for them to get within grabbing distance so I could scoop them up and brush the leaves and grass out of their hair.
They loved it.
And then they'd scamper off just to roll in the dirt again.
It was so fun.
Daniel came home and I realized it was nearly 7:30. I couldn't believe how quickly the evening went by!
My mind was in such a sweet place all evening. I know it had something to do with the sunshine and the cool, fresh air.
We decided to head over to Clarksville for dinner and dine alfresco at Zocalo under the twinkle lights.
I piddled around so much that we ended up at Zocalo around 9 PM for a late dinner. We treated ourselves to a couple of frozen Sangrias and went to sit outside but it was too chilly for us! So we sat in the nearly empty indoors at a small white table simply decorated with glowing candles and fresh flowers in a small vase.
For a while we sat and ate and drank while my husband charmed me and made me smile and sigh contentedly. Meanwhile I admired his handsome face and touched his hands and thought how much I like his wavy hair. He's so dashing.
It was such a beautiful night!
Being in Clarksville in the beautiful Texas Spring is so magical to me. It is such a quiet place, despite the fact that it sits right in the middle of the city. The houses are small and quaint and old. People are walking everywhere and the streets are lined with old-fashioned markets, gardens, a quiet coffee shop, and romantic restaurants with twinkling lights and vines crawling on the walls. Sometimes an old TV repair shop will play movies projected on their building wall in their parking lot. It is a neighborhood Daniel and I often haunt during the warmer months.
I felt a sweet peace and quiet deep in my heart and I sighed many a contented sigh.

After dinner we drove over to Central Market for some plastic bags and a bottle of wine, because we're romantic like that.

It was getting late, so when we got home I slipped into bed. Sunday evening I slept horribly because my mind would not quit. Every time I closed my eyes I relived something terrible and I couldn't rest at all.
So last night I asked Daniel to read Scriptures to me as I went to sleep. He read, and we wondered briefly to each other why Jesus put his spit on people on different occasions in the Bible. Neither of us could really think of any good reason.
And then I went to sleep, safe in the arms of my love.

"For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace."

John 1:16

be still, my heart

Daniel went grocery shopping for us this evening.

He saw that Sprouts was having a 25% off sale on all the bulk foods. So he stocked up on everything I like.

I think I'm in love.

Pistachio nuts, cashew nuts, (anyone seen Best in Show? Ignore the random intro on the video???)







Okay one more.

Lucky.

Daniel and I didn't do anything for Valentine's Day. Nada.

Unless lying in bed all day watching movies counts.

We were both feeling unwell, so we gave ourselves the day off. I didn't even go to church.

I'm not an anti-Valentine's Day person.  But I don't get all bent out of shape if Daniel doesn't take me to a fancy restaurant or buy me a box of chocolates. Growing up, my family celebrated it with sweets and cards. Daniel's family didn't celebrate at all.

Maybe I don't make a big deal about Valentine's Day because Daniel doesn't, and I've just accepted that. He's not really the note-writing, grand gesture kind of guy. And I have always known that about him.

However, the first year I knew him he bought me My Big Fat Greek Wedding on DVD for Valentine's Day. He later told me he bought me a DVD because he thought my dad would consider it an acceptable gift from one "friend" to another.  

My family enjoyed the gift. And I thought there was some sort of symbolism in his choice of movie.

Or maybe he just knew I liked that movie a lot.

Though he may not look like a romantic at first glance, don't be fooled. He knows that moving the laundry from the washer to the dryer or hand-washing and drying the pots and pans or making the bed every morning makes me feel oh so warm and fuzzy inside. And he makes me laugh. All the time. He has the silliest sense of humor and makes me laugh at myself when I'm taking myself WAY too seriously. It happens a lot.

He is one person who, I think, is always himself. He doesn't try to make people think he's something he's not. He's Daniel. And you will know exactly how he is the minute you meet him.

I used to get exasperated with him, because when he gets onto something he does not get off of it. And I'm not talking about casual hobbies. When he feels conviction about something, he acts on it.

It's become one of the things I love and respect the most about him. But I didn't always feel that way. God has shown me what a wise and thoughtful man I am married to, and He's taught me to trust what He is accomplishing in Daniel.

Over the years he's grown so much. He's always been a good and kind person. But with marriage and responsibility and love he's become something more--and I hope he could say the same about me. He's my handsome, wonderful man and I am the luckiest woman alive.

Random Thursday

I am currently completely addicted to the following websites:

Cardigan Empire.

Reachel Bagley, stylist, is responsible for this wonderful blog! She's got me digging "shopping" through my closet, finding old gems and throwing out stuff that is completely unacceptable (you'd be surprised). I also appreciate that she demonstrates style for all shapes - and emphasizes modesty. She's even linked websites on her page that are online clothing stores designed specifically for the modest shopper.
Also, I love that she loves and appreciates the beauty of being feminine. It's fun to be a girl :)
She also pointed me to this website:


and

Shade Clothing

Modest is hottest, ladies. Make no mistake - for all our sakes.

I spend altogether way, way too much time on this website:


I have wish lists. With lots of things on them that I can't afford.

...

Furthermore. I would like to ask something.

Is this legal??

(I would like to add that his daddy titled this picture, "Manipulation")

I love the facial expression! Ha ha.

...

And lastly...
It is very cold in Austin. It's in the 30s but it is blustery outside, causing it to feel like the low 20s.
I prayed for a snow day, but it's very dry. No moisture here.

Last night Daniel and I wrapped up in a blanket (like a bug in a rug), laid on our bed and talked and laughed about our day. It was heaven on earth. I don't mind the cold so much.

Nostalgia

Well, Christmas has come and gone. Daniel and I had a great time skiing with his family and relaxing together for a few days. I feel refreshed and invigorated! And I have only one dadgum day to go before my next weekend starts.

Don't you love nostalgia?
So wistful. So sentimental. Everything is cast in a near-perfect light.
I am definitely someone who basks in nostalgia from time to time. Complete with half-smiles and contented sighs. Ahh...those were the days...
And then I remember what an awkward person I've been my whole life, and a single memory can wake me from that dreamy state.
Today I've been thinking about this guy.

But when he looked like this:

He really hasn't changed too much.
But I was thinking back in the day when I first met him. Maybe I should say saw him. I remember the first moment I laid eyes on him.
I was a young and spry fifteen years of age. It was mid-morning some time in late January. I was a Sophomore. And I had excused myself from Mrs. Brunson's American Literature I to go to the restroom. I walked out into the hallway and turned to the right. On the stairs to the left I heard some commotion, so I glanced behind me...and there he was. Standing on the top of the stairs in a blue and green striped, short-sleeved Polo and khaki shorts was the best-looking guy I had ever seen in my life. He was tall, tan, and handsome.
I stood and stared at him for a moment as he turned and walked away from me. Who was that???
And then I went about my business.
At lunch that day his name was buzzing around the small lunch room. Daniel. According to gossip, he was the older brother of another new student in our class, Josh. He was a transfer student from a public school. He was bad news. You see, I went to a small, private, Christian school and the slightest ripple in the water was like a tidal wave to us. You also may know that teenage girls love drama.
Especially these girls

"He is definitely the hottest guy in the school."
"He is the hottest guy I have ever seen!"
"Really? I don't think he's all that cute."
"Are you kidding? He's gorgeous!"
"He sits in front of us in Algebra. I couldn't stop staring at him!"
And the conversations went on.
I spent lunch looking across the room at the Junior class lunch table, catching glimpses of this mysterious new boy from time to time.
Later that afternoon I was running errands during study hall for one of my teachers. So young. So carefree...
I darted into the administrative offices to drop off some paperwork but stopped short when I noticed a familiar blue/green striped Polo standing in an office doorway.
Daniel.
I stood staring for a moment before the secretary asked me what I was doing out of class.
"Just, uh, dropping off some, er, papers for Ms. Jo...this period is my study hall," I smiled awkwardly, looking at the papers in my hands.
She held out her hand to take the paperwork, and just as I handed them to her Daniel turned and started walking in my direction.
He was looking at whatever the guidance couselor had handed him and was about to slip by me while mumbling "excuse me" when...I panicked.
"Hey!" I said loudly. Too loud.
He looked up at me with a pair of gorgeous brown eyes.
"Uh, hi."
"You look a lot like your brother!"
He smiled slightly, "Yeah..."
I was drowning. He was obviously weirded out. I glanced at the blue/green striped Polo.
"I like your shirt."
"...thanks..."
"The blue and the green...it reminds me of the sea!" As the words came out of my mouth I remembered thinking what the heck is wrong with you? but the second thought didn't come soon enough. So I laughed. Loudly and awkwardly and for way too long.
"...haha, thanks. Well, see ya." He said as he slowly backed out into the hallway before turning to leave.
"Yeah. See ya."
I looked at the secretary and she smiled strangely at me. A dismal failure.
Well, so much for that. I thought as a wandered slowly back to the portables.

*Daniel claims he has no recollection of this meeting, lucky for me. However, I have reminded him of it many times. Which might have been a mistake, but apparently not because he married me.

After study hall I made my way over to Mrs. Uhrich's Art Class with Christi.
Here we are in high school.

On the way I recounted to her the pitiful exchange between me and the new guy, and then we proceeded to talk about his handsomeness. We sat in our typical spot along the side wall, a great spot for us to pass notes and doodle on each other's notebooks. And watch the boys goof off on the back row.
I was a very diligent student.
Students started to trickle in, but Christi and I were wrapped in conversation, not paying much attention to our classmates. That is, until I heard a familiar voice coming down the hallway. It was the new guy, Daniel, and he was walking down the hall joking with Josh, one of his fellow Juniors (there were a great many Joshes in my life throughout high school; kind of weird, actually). My ears perked up, I glanced in the direction of the voices, and saw that Josh and Daniel were walking into my art class. They scoped out a couple of seats in front of Christi and me and sat down. Christi and I looked at each other with raised eyebrows and stifled giggles, recalling my awkward conversation with Daniel a few minutes earlier.
I thought I would never have a reason to interact with him again--other than a polite, passing hello in the hallway...yet there he was. One row in front of me for the rest of the semester...


Ah, nostalgia.

Growing Old Together

I'm excited to be writing on here again! My updates will most likely continue to be few and far between until I'm able to figure out a better balance in my life. Honestly, I sit at the computer so much throughout the day that I can hardly bear the sight of one in the evenings. But it's not just the computer. It's the brain power involved in doing...well, anything.
I think that once Daniel and I are able to move into South Austin I won't feel so worn out. Sitting in traffic for nearly an hour in the morning and over an hour every evening really seems to take its toll on me. Although lately it hasn't been taking such a toll on our budget, which is very nice. I am ready to be close to where Daniel and I are living most of our lives. Then I might be able to experience the perks of getting off work at 4:30.
Anyway...
Daniel is away and I miss him. It's funny, one of the challenges of our marriage has been how independent we are. I never really thought of myself as independent, but I have always seen a difference in our relationship versus other married/serious couples. And I don't mean that in a romantic, rebellious sort of way, or even a bad way. Just different. For some reason I feel like we are functioning on an alternate level; we see ourselves and one another different than most I think. Over time (two weeks from today it will be two years of marriage!) our relationship has changed; we've been challenged and hurt and encouraged and loved, and grown so much closer. Our independence (I don't even feel like that's the right word) has remained but we have come to rely on and trust each other more, as people in relationships tend to. I think I've spoken before about how our mutual friendships have led to a deeper, closer friendship between the two of us. And I think that as we've learned through our struggles--I'm not going to sugar-coat here: marriage is really hard sometimes--to rely more and more on Christ for the grace to love one another. Our commitment feels solid and strong. But like I said, there's just something a little different. We are quirky.
I have a vivid memory of my dad calling me into his room for a talk one evening. Now, I don't vividly remember the particulars of that conversation, but I clearly remember him telling me one thing: he thought I was what some would call a "hopeless romantic." And he told me he understood. And he told me to be careful. I think I sort of scoffed like a teenager at the time and shook my head as if I knew better. But he was right.
I still slip into hopeless romantic slumps here and there--not to say that Daniel is never romantic. One morning I might wake up and feel like if Daniel really cared about me, he'd take me on a date. Tonight. Tuesday night. Without any hint from me. You know? It's romance. Isn't it just supposed to "occur" to him that he wants to take me on a date?
And then when we go home and eat left-overs Daniel is dazed and confused because I'm sitting in the corner brooding about the date that never was.
But forget those rare moments. I'm beginning to understand romance a little differently. I think it's romantic that Daniel goes to work every day and works hard and does well at his job. I think it's romantic that we hold hands in the mornings while Daniel drives me to work. I think it's romantic that Daniel helps with the dishes after I cook. And I think it's romantic that he took me to the movies and bought me popcorn on a Sunday night just because I was in the mood.
I don't really know what I'm rambling on about.
I do know that I love my husband, and the more I'm with him the less I can stand being away from him.
I can't wait till he comes home to me!


Can you believe I've almost been married two whole years?!

Good Morning, Sunshine

Last night we had some terrible storms in the area! The news reported people were seeing pigeons in mid flight being pinned to the ground by the strong winds. The worst of the storm hit smack dab in central/downtown Austin around midnight. Oddly enough, Daniel was at his office downtown working away at a big project. I was down in south Austin at a friends house watching a movie.
Thankfully, God kept both of us safe. Daniel waited the storm out in his sturdy office building and I kept my friends up way too late waiting for the cell to pass over the highway I would be driving on to get home.
It was a little eerie driving home. Central Austin was largely without power, and typically that is the brightest part of the city at night. All the street lamps and house lights were out, and it was pitch black on Mopac. It was pretty dangerous as the severe winds had knocked over trees and blown debris onto the streets. Daniel said it looked as if a tornado had blown through downtown; windows were broken, sturdy oak trees had fallen across roadways.
By the time we made it back to the apartment all was quiet and calm. You could hear a slight rumbling of thunder in the distance, and occasionally the sky would light up with sprawling lightening. Storms are so beautiful and yet so scary!
This morning I heard on the news that several windows in the capitol dome had been blown out and sprayed glass all over the interior. Many of the huge, old oak trees had been uprooted and they were hoping to save a few.
It's kind of strange because so often these terrible storms happen in rural areas. I've rarely seen anything like what downtown looks like today. Thousands are without power and the streets are a dirty mess. City workers are out in throngs picking up the mess.

This morning as Daniel was leaving I was still resting, and he came over to me and kissed me and told me I was very beautiful! That's a nice way to start the morning...

I mentioned that I watched a movie at a friend's house. We watched the movie Lars and the Real Girl. It had a very "independent film" feel to it. The characters weren't glitzy and flawless and the humor was strange and subtle. And the music was simple and beautiful.
It's a very strange story. It takes place in a remote, small town. Lars is a young man (late 20's?) who lives in his brother and sister-in-law's garage. He's reclusive and awkward, and from the moment you see him you can tell things are not quite right with him. His sister-in-law, Karen, is very concerned about him. Even though he makes excuses to avoid ever leaving his little garage (besides going to work), she constantly tries to reach out to him and show him love.
Then something very strange happens. Lars orders a life-size silicone doll from an online company that sells them as "sex toys." But Lars doesn't use the doll in this way.
The same day his doll is delivered he runs over to his brother's house and tells them he would like to come over for dinner--he's met someone and he'd like to introduce her to them. Of course Karen is filled with jubilation at this. Finally, he's socializing and acting "normal."
And that evening he shows up with Bianca, the doll.
As Gus and Karen attempt to deal with Lars' behavior, they seek out the help of a doctor and learn that Lars obviously has some sort of delusional disorder and they have two choices: to get no where by trying to talk Lars out of his delusion, or to go along with him and see where all this leads.
As time progresses, first Lars' church and soon after the whole town learns of Lars' new "friend" and it is so funny/strange/interesting to see how people choose to deal with it. This movie really touched my heart! Ryan Gosling, the actor who plays Lars, is so endearing and odd. And it's wonderful to see the love that his church and community show him and his family as they deal with such a strange mental disorder.
The movie is a "serious comedy." The acting was wonderful and I think it was extremely well done. It's clean, for the most part. A few of the guys in town make a few silly jokes about Lars' new girlfriend. Overall, the content probably won't appeal much to the young ones.
I recommend it!

...I pine, I perish

Last night as Daniel and I were lying down to go to sleep, he turned to me, wrapped his strong arms around me and said:

"The-tem-per-at-ure-in-Ab-el-ine-is-six-ty-four-deg-rees."

In a robot voice.